I’m really too tired to be writing this, but as I’ve only just done my nails and am waiting for the same to dry.. well.. I might as well.
Been on the go virtually all day today, but it feels kind of good. I mean, wouldn’t want it to be that way all the time, but sometimes it’s nice to be busy. Gives me something of a buzz. I spend a lot of time on my own, and as a general I enjoy that. I write, read, think and – veeeeeery occasionally – I study.
But, as much as I like doing those things, it’s nice to break it up with a properly busy day every once in a while.
Been a while since I’ve been working now, and I do kind of miss it. I miss going to work, I miss having workmates – darnit – I miss afterwork drinks on a Friday (or Tuesday..or Thursday..), sharing a bottle or three of el cheapo house wine, getting down to pseudo-deep semi-intoxicated wouldn’t-tell-you-when-sober talk. You know what I mean.
Most of my friends are either ex-workmates or people I’ve met during my stints at the women’s crisis centre. And I really value them all. (Why wouldn’t I – they are the best of the bunch. Sincerely!) My friends have helped me through some very difficult times, and even though I am crap at reaching out for help when I really need it they are incredibly apt at reading me, and will offer their helping hands without me having to ask.
My ‘crisis-centre’ friends, are – obviously – somewhat newer friends, but just as important to me as any of my friends from way back in the day. There’s something very special about a friend you’ve made when you were at your lowest. It means that there is very little left that needs explaining. And that can be incredibly comforting. Even when I am (as I am right now) in a good place, it’s nice not to have to worry too much about having a down day. My friends get that.
Going back to my busy day.. As I was saying I really did enjoy it. There’s a part of me that is really longing to get back into the swing of things again. I’ve had a rough Life Plan for the better part of my adult life, but hitting that brick wall last year, I knew I needed to stop for a bit. Take a step back. Re-assess. Allow myself time to find a way to negotiate my way past this obstacle.
I’ve made a lot of changes to my life since last spring. Many of which I am still working on, and will be working on for a long time. Like being in therapy, trying to get a view of what my patterns are, what traps I fall into, and, feeling ok with being the way I am. All of those things, they take time, and energy. But despite that I still feel there is more left in me. My focus is absolutely still to carry on working on the ME-issues. But, at the same time I feel that I need more.
So at the moment I’m looking into the possibility of doing some volunteering. I don’t want to repeat my mistake of last year – taking on a full-time job and going at it 110% – only to find that I’m not quite ready. Instead I’m hoping to be able to do maybe a day, or even just a few hours a week, of volunteering. Test the waters, so to speak. Start out slowly to get a better feel for where I’m at, workwise.
Anyway, nailpolish all but dry now.
Time for coconut snowballs. Oh yesssss!
Sunflowers and comfy shoes,
Added random question:
Am I the only person who is suffering from In Treatment-withdrawal?
Seriously – how good is Dianne Wiest in that show? I can’t get over it. The woman is the very definition of divine! As much as the repeated boundary violations give me a headache I amsooooooo craving more..
Yeah, yeah, I know – I need to see someone about this..