So, as you may have noticed, there has been a gap in my blogging. A big one. I mean, I’ve written tons of blog posts in my head, but actually putting pen to paper – or finger to tablet, as it were, – not so much. I just couldn’t seem to get around to it. Everything felt too.. uphill.
I have been wanting to get a laptop for a long long time, in part to make blogging that little bit easier, or at least to remove some of the obstacles that made writing that little bit harder to do. But, as the disgusting and undeserving mental health benefit scrounger that I am, money isn’t exactly on tap in my house, and this was a pretty darn big investment for me [only, in fact, made possible because someone somewhere had realised that I had been slightly underpaid my undeserved benefit for a number of years and had decided to scare the living daylights out of me by voluntarily – without prompt or warning – put a lump sum on my account to make up for it]. So, I went back and forth for nearer to a year on which laptop to actually get. You know the dance; get the current 12” FruitBook, maybe a refurbished one, or wait for the next FruitBook Pro, suffering severe FOMO in case there was a massive spec bump, or – crazy thought – step outside of the FruitLoop altogether and save some dosh by getting something just as functional, less pricey, but also far less sexy, even though I knew what my heart truly desired? And, seriously, should I even be spending that money? What if the mistake in payment wasn’t real? What if? What if? What if? And then, late-ish last year, I was given a handwritten card from all of my Most Special People and it said: ‘It’s your birthday and we love you. We are so blessed to have you in our lives. You are Special to us, so we want you to have something Special. Stop fretting. Stop thinking. Get the new Fruity one that you know you really want!’
So I did. I got Mumin. [Or Moomin, if you want to be international about her.] She’s the loveliest laptop in the world, and she has the power to remind me that I am Special and that I am Loved. Every single day.
This wonderful gift should by rights have lead to an instant reboot of my blog. After all, that was a big reason for wanting a tappety-tap laptop in the first place. But, somehow, it just didn’t. Somehow, despite this amazing gift which reminds me that I am truly loved every time I start her up, I was still me. I was still as caught up in the throes of my everyday struggles as I had ever been, and I still couldn’t find a calm enough space inside to to sit down and write about my life. To share what was going on with you all. I absolutely wanted to. But I just couldn’t. The energy simply wasn’t there; or rather, what little there was needed to be reserved for breathing in and out all day long. And the blog laid barren and desolate, void of new content.
Then, in the last two and a bit weeks I received – I kid you not – fifty-three emails from various people around the world, people who I have never met in person, but who have in one way or another come across my blog and have been wanting to know not only where the heck I’ve disappeared to, or why the self-same heck I’ve not been updating my blog, but, have expressed a genuine and heartfelt concern about my well-being, wanting to know if I am OK, letting me know that I have been on their minds. On top of this, these people have sent tons of positive energy my way. And you all, each and every one of you, have my eternal gratitude, because those emails (and blog comments!) have really meant a lot to me. I may not have been able to reply to all of you – in fact, I know I haven’t – but just knowing that people who have never even met me, who don’t even know my name, have been wondering how I am, have been thinking of me, well, it’s kind of an amazing thing. It restores my faith in humanity. And I feel so very grateful to you. And it is time to repay you by getting back to blogging.
I know that this particular post hasn’t exactly been laden with emotion or posed any serious philosophical or life altering questions – it is certainly a far cry to my usual offerings – but; it is a start. I do have a lot of ideas of what to write about, some stemming from things people have written to me about, and I hope that I will be able to return soon with another post.
In the meantime; do be kind to your Selfs.
All my love and gratitude,