Thinking And Logic vs Feeling

It’s been a while, I know. Just stuff going on, which have stopped me from feeling able to sit down to write.

But, I’m still around.
Please don’t worry.

I’ve done a lot of thinking lately. Only I’m not sure if thinking really is the right word. Maybe it’s more that I’ve done a lot of feeling. And it’s made me realise a few things. Big things. Important things. And in time I will be sharing it with you all, I’m sure – or else it will eventually become self-evident.

But really, what I wanted to get to is that whole thing about thinking and logic, versus feeling. I think that, although I often apply active thinking and logic to work things out, when it comes to those really big and important things, I’ve always operated on gut instinct. If something feels right, I generally trust that it is. People may ask me for a more specific definition of what exactly it is that makes it feel right, and more often than not, I’m unable to give a real answer – because all I know is that it feels right.

So there you go.
Even though there are big things on the horizon for me, for now, I think I’ll keep them to myself.

Because, it feels right.

Still – before I forget..
For those of you who – and let’s face it, this would be the vast majority – were planning on buying me great big expensive luxury Christmas prezzies, I just want to say that you’re off the hook. I’ve made a conscious decision not to celebrate Christmas. This is on the basis that I’m not a Christian, and it feels wrong to celebrate something I don’t believe in. Especially since I actually believe in something different.

If you still feel a burning wish to spend your hard-earned money, maybe you could donate a quid or two to one of the charities listed in the “Tikkun Olam – Healing The World”-section to the right? That’s what I’ll be doing. Those of you who know me know that this is what I usually do, anyway, instead of sending out seasonal greetings cards, left, right and centre.

I’m not dissing Christmas or cards – if that’s what feels right to you, then you should be doing all that. It’s just that, for me, I feel better not going down that route.

All the very best and more,

be good to your Selves,

xx

Questions And Answers – An Entry About The Art Of Thinking

I’ve had a few really good days, and a few really bad nights this week. A rollercoaster without the thrill factor, you could say. I’ve been away from the community I live in, staying at my ex’s flat (in other words the flat that used to be our flat) and it’s been good and bad. Good because I think I really needed a break away from my place and all that living there entails, and bad because it’s also made it very clear the things I miss; the things in my life I no longer have.

Being at the flat is good because I can do whatever I want whenever I want, meaning that I don’t have to constantly worry about the impact my way of being might have on the people I live with and, also, I don’t have to obsess about what they might be thinking about how I live my life. But, as with everything, there is a flip side; being at the flat means that, well, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. And, unfortunately, the choices I make may not always be the best or the healthiest, and I end up doing things in the stillness of the night that I would never do in the cold light of day.

That said, given a choice, I would probably prefer the latter; living on my own, left to my own devices. It’s the easier choice, because it’s comfortably familiar and not particularly challenging. I’m sure that says a lot about me and the way I view the world and other people.

On the other hand, one could argue that I do have a choice; there is nothing stopping me moving out of the community and into non-supported accommodation. That, in actual fact, my choice is to live where I live. I wasn’t forced to move there. I made a decision to do so.

I guess it would be fair to say that part of what I’ve been doing in this week of solitude is to re-examine the reasons I based that decision on. I haven’t reached any earth shattering conclusions, or had any amazingly illuminating bing-bing moments, but at least I’ve been thinking about it seriously.

Also, I’ve been considering why I’m doing all this thinking now. What is it about what’s going on in my life, what has been going on in my life, that has brought on this need to re-examine? Is this me repeating a pattern, or, is it me trying to break one? Or, equally possible, is it me creating a new pattern? And if so, why? And, again, why now?

The questions are endless and the answers few and far between. But sometimes – perhaps even most of the time – asking the questions is much more important than finding the answers.

In my last session with A. I made the somewhat sarcastic comment “Oh isn’t insight a wonderful thing?”, but I think what I really meant to say was that insight isn’t everything. It is, undeniably, something. But it’s not everything.
It’s the journey before and after that brief moment of insight that really matters.

xx

PS. Did my nails last night, using four different colours including a swirly-whirly tribal design.. I must be reallystressing out..